Potty Training or Potty Learning?

I’ve got potty training on the brain these days.  This is in part because I’ve been able to do the “No More Diapers” dance in my own house.  My daughter’s been fully potty trained for about 3 weeks now.  Many of my friends, both in cyberspace and in real life, have kids who are potty training.

Which brings me to the title of my post.  I really prefer the term “potty learning.”  I took it from an excellent book by William and Martha Sears called You Can Go to the Potty.  The book is aimed at children, but there are excellent tips for parents.  As I mentioned, I prefer “potty learning” to “potty training.”  Our children are not pets who need to be housebroken.  They are young people who need to learn how to do things.

I know there are people who will be horrified to learn that my son was nearly 4 when he learned and my daughter is 3 and a half (that half is very important to her).  Nowadays, I see so many parents anxious to get their under 2’s to use the toilet.  If you can do it easily, then more power to you.  But I very sincerely doubt that most kids that age are ready.

With both of my kids, it took less than 2 days for them to be able to consistently use the toilet during the day.  (My son still isn’tdry at night, but this is very common, especially in boys.  But that is a post for another time).  I didn’t have to bribe my kids with toys, candy, stickers, money(!), or other prizes for going to the bathroom.  We haven’t had weeks or months of working on it, only to have them regress.  In fact, I didn’t “train” them at all–they figured it out all by themselves, for the most part.

When I mentioned this to the pediatrician, he was pleased that we had chosen this gentle method.  He said that children should not be coerced or pressured and that most children are not ready before age 3 or 3 and a half.  This was the same thing my daughter’s occupational therapist had said.  And in my own experience, the parents who have had the most success have waited until their children are a bit older.

Like with other things, I prefer the low-stress method of parenting.  I also chose not to “sleep train” either of my children.  I found listening to them cry stressful, so I used other methods of getting them to sleep.  I don’t know whether the now sleep better than their peers, but I do know that bedtime has always been pleasant and calm in our house.  (I should write about this sometime, too.)

In the end, my recommendation for parents is that if potty learning is not going well, your child seems uninterested, you constantly find yourself offering rewards, your child seems to do well and then regresses, or you and your child are frustrated, then back off for a time.  Give it awhile, then revisit.  It doesn’t have to make you crazy.

Signs of Life

My son has a new hobby.  He likes to make signs.  For absolutely everything.  It started one night after dinner.  He was in the bathroom and my daughter kept trying to go in with him.  This was bothering him, especially when she ignored his repeated requests for privacy.  When he came out, he decided that we needed a sign for the bathroom:

(The extra drawing is my daughter’s artwork.)

Next thing I knew, he was making signs and hanging them up all over the house.  We have the “ghosts” in the kitchen doorway, the “cool tool” sign in the kitchen, the “in” and “out” signs by the front door and on the porch.

Speaking of ghosts, apparently we have a “nice” haunted house.  My son made a new sign for the bathroom:

As a result of the original “PRIVIT” sign in the bathroom, my daughter became quite distressed.  She wanted to be able to join her brother in the bathroom.  Being the sensitive boy that he is, he didn’t like seeing her so upset.  So he decided to remove the original sign.  I suppose he figured it might not be enough just to take the sign down.  After all, he hadn’t informed his sister of the change in the rules.  So he produced yet another sign:

There is peace in the land at last.

They Grow Up So Fast

Well, it’s official:  My 5-year-old is no longer a little boy.  We went to visit my husband at work this afternoon, after he was done teaching for the day.  His student teacher was also there, surfing YouTube.  He found a pretty cool video and was showing it to my son.  He wanted to see it again, but we had to leave.  I told him we could find it again at home.  We did, and he enjoyed watching it.  I went to the kitchen to get some chores done.  When I checked in with my son, he was doing his own surfing–finding all sorts of neat videos to watch.  Of course, I immediately had mom radar going, to make sure he wasn’t stumbling on something inappropriate.  But he was able to find all kinds of kid stuff, from Hot Wheels cars to Thomas the Tank Engine to marble chutes.

When did my baby get to be old enough to surf the web on his own?!

I think I need a nap.

Being a parent is tiring.  I think the tasks of parenting are a lot like having a dam in your living room.  The dam has holes in it and you have to stop them up with your fingers.  The problem is, there are 11 holes.  So you have to keep switching fingers and hope that you stopped the flow long enough that you can stop a different one for awhile without flooding your carpet.

The latest one for us seems to be having the 3-year-old give up naps.  When our now 5-year-old stopped napping, it was easy.  One day he just didn’t take a nap; now he only sleeps if he is extremely tired or he’s sick.  But our daughter wasn’t really ready to give them up.  She has had a long loveaffair with naps.  Lots of kids resist when you tell them it’s time for sleep; not our girl.  She would practically run to the bedroom and leap into bed, pulling her special blanket up to her chin.  She would always be out in less than 5 minutes, leaving me to spend some quality time with her brother.  Unfortunately, we reached a point where she was not able to get to sleep at night.  It would be 9pm and she’d be asking for another movie…or snack…or story…or a trip to the zoo.  We realized Something Had to Be Done.  That Something was eliminating afternoon naps.

Once she stopped sleeping during the day, our daughter became fairly easy to settle down at night.  Unfortunately, this magical fairlyland of Easy Bedtime has its price.  Our sweet little girl gets to bed time and she turns into Queen of the Grumps.  She is cranky, stubborn, irritable, fussy, and generally unpleasant.  Tonight, we had the great War of the Pajamas.  Stage 1: Yell a little about how Mom picked the wrong pair.  Stage 2: Insist on picking another pair, but refuse to enter the bedroom alone.  Stage 3: Take 15 minutes deciding whether to wear trucks, kitties, or rocket ships.  Stage 4: Refuse help getting undressed and into pajamas, then cry because it’s too hard.  Stage 5: Finally accept help, but complain that the pajamas are too tight, too hot, itchy, or just “don’t feel right.”

In fairness, I should mention that she has some sensory integration issues.  So probably her pajamas didn’t feel right.  However, the problems are mostly just magnified by her exhaustion.  At any rate, we did resolve the problem and she was off to dreamland in just a few minutes.

I’m sure that as she grows, all of this will sort itself out.  Inthe meantime, though, I sure could use a nap myself.